My Sister’s Accident & COVID Part II

My parents, Kelly and I skiing together at Stowe 15 years after Kelly’s accident at the Williams Carnival in 2006.

Two years ago I wrote a blog post about similarities between the beginning of lockdown and Kelly's accident. Now, I once again find myself seeing parallels between these two journeys.

When Kelly first got hurt, we were told by the doctors at 1:30 in the morning, after 11 hrs of surgery, that she had a very small chance of ever walking again. That statement, "a very small chance," was heard by my Mom, my Dad, me and Zeke. To my ears, I heard that she could potentially walk again. To others, they heard that she would likely never walk again. I guess I've never given "the odds" too much cred :). Same sentence, totally different outlooks. 

Then there was the prospect of telling Kelly this prognosis. Who was going to do it, how would she take it, how do you say something like that? But somehow, when we went to her, Kelly already knew. We were never completely sure how she came to know this, but it had been some combination of doctors and nurses along the way, figuring it out on her own, or maybe just the knowing of her own intuition. Either way, there was no big surprise. There was no massively devastating reveal of this news. There was simply an understanding that we all knew what was happening here and the focus was on overcoming each obstacle that presented itself. 

Rehab continued like that for three months in the hospital, and many months and years after that. Figuring out life, in a new way. But the underlying sentiment was on finding a new way. This was not about walking again or driving with her feet like she used to, but figuring out how to get around in a wheelchair and using hand-controls to drive. Accepting her new normal.

It is obvious to anyone that Kelly came to this place of acceptance easily, and Kelly would agree. But, I realize that is not everyone's experience, especially when it comes to spinal cord injuries. I recall hearing about a kid who was paralyzed in a car accident about a year after Kelly's accident. KBF had started up by then, so there was talk about getting him hooked up with a handcycle or adaptive sports chair of some sort. However, he was not interested in that. Instead, he was working with a Boston-based program to help him walk again and I was hopeful that it would work for him. 

Years later, after never hearing from him, I heard that he was still working with the walking program, but not doing well. Not really walking, and not really happy. Of course it made me sad, but it reminded me of this idea of acceptance. He was so focused on fixing his situation, getting back to "normal" and the way things used to be, that he was missing out on discovering what life was like as a para. It's not as if Kelly never thought about walking again. In fact, at one point Kelly was even entertaining ideas of going to South America for stem cell trials and was highly motivated to see what other treatments were out there to help her gain some function back. But the difference was that she was also riding her handcycle and learning to mono-ski. She had not completely halted her life in pursuit of the singular goal of walking again. Life as a para has it's limitations, yes, but it can also be really really good.  But only if you are really living it, accepting it for what it is, and letting go of the old way. I was sad to think that the kid from Boston had been missing out on all these years of living as a para in pursuit of his walking dreams. 

We are nearly two years into this thing and acceptance of COVID feels crucial to finding our happiness, joy, and peace. The masks, the lack of employees, the sickness-worries, the unpredictable way of life- all of it. Let the kid from Boston be a cautionary tale to us all. Do you want to be two years post injury and still trying to walk, or would you rather be mono-skiing, hand-cycling, and giving out adaptive equipment out to others? 

Kelly is often told that she is an "inspiration" and sometimes she doesn't feel worthy of that sentiment. But in this case, I feel strongly that we can all let Kelly's story inspire us. How she was able to find that acceptance so easily, I'm not sure she would even know. But her story shows that it's possible to live that way and that is enough. Holding onto the old ways and waiting to get back to "normal" in times of Coronavirus is not accepting what life is presenting. The sooner we can all accept this new way of life, the sooner we will be able to find the stability and peace we are all craving. At some point life may feel less chaotic and less in limbo, but there is no going back. Life has forever changed and now there is a "new normal". 

If my family's journey has taught me yet another lesson, it's that the sooner we all accept that walking again is not the goal, the better off we will all be. Sending you all love and gratitude as we navigate this crazy life!

With love and gratitude,

Lindsay

Published: January 8, 2022